American Idol?

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You hem me in behind and before; and lay your hand upon me.  Psalm 139:5

This is a kind of touchy subject for me to approach.  Or, at least I think it will be.  

One of the things that I mentioned learning is that I have turned my heath conditions into an idol in my life.

God showed me that I had let my artwork take that idol status.

I could hardly wait to finish up my devotional time so I could go play with colors.

I’d hurry the kids through their homeschool assignments so I could have more time.

I’d get pretty miffed if someone interrupted me when I was working.

And God showed me I needed to put it away for a while.

I needed to get my priorities straight.

While I’ve been recovering, I’ve done a lot of reading.  More reading than I’ve done for a long time.

Charles Stanley.

James McArthur

Oswald Chambers

C.S. Lewis.

I’ve been devouring their words.

I realized I actually knew little about the power of the Holy Spirit.

I didn’t truly understand abiding in Christ.

I became aware that I wanted to be living a more worshipful life - but wasn’t even truly sure how.

That’s changing.

And one of the biggest thing that is changing (and the hardest) is to take my focus off of my weaknesses and put it where it belongs.  On God.

Yes, I went through a horrendous experience.  But I was so blessed during it all.  God held me so tightly when I was completely unaware.

So, why now, do  I analyze each little twinge again?  Why do I feel so much dread when my heart skips a beat or my gut begins to hurt.  Why am I thrown into such a tizzy by it all?

Because I have taken my focus off of God.

I know we need to have an awareness of our health issues.  I know we need to take care of ourselves.  

But I know that I, personally, need to quit obsessing over it all.

Obsessing and being prudent are two different things.

Worrying about possibilities that are endless is fruitless.

And I want to be bearing fruit for Him.

The only way I can do that is by learning to abide.  Learning to realize the power of His Holy Spirit who dwells in me.  Learning that minute by minute I am making a choice.

Will I focus on the problems?

Or will I focus on the only one who is truly able to give me an abundant life, no matter how long my list of ailments might be.

I think I choose the later - but I must do it moment by moment - and praise God that no matter what the outcome, I can bring glory to Him by putting Him first and allowing Him to work through each and every adversity that arises.

Don’t get me wrong.  This isn’t easy for me to do.  It is an immense challenge.  But it seems to be the only response that make sense - to come before Him like Mary and say with all my heart,  “Here I am, Your handmaiden. Let it be according to your word.”

Then pray for grace, mercy, and strength I will need to abide fully in Him.

Father God, it is so challenging for to pull my focus away from our problems and look continually to You.  Help us to remember that you truly do enclose us behind and before, and that you will guide our each and every step - even the steps we take are in darkness.  Amen and amen.

 © deni weber 2010-2015