Because He First Loved Us

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We love Him because He first loved us.  1 John 4:19

I love and hate those “duh” moments at the same time.

You see - I’m a doer.  Type A personality all the way.  Throw in an (un)healthy dose of perfectionism and you understand a lot about me.  (An A-  in grad school was as bad as failing to me.  I guess it WAS failing to me.)

Today - I had a revelation that feels like it has changed my world. Yet, it’s been in right in front of me all along

I’ve been meditating a lot on the verse “Be still and know that I am God.”  I use it when I practice deep breathing.

Yet, it is oh-so-hard to be still.  I want to “do.”  I still want to do the things I used to be able to do.  And as my ability to do lessens, I grasp at ideas on what I can still do.  I mean, we are here for a purpose, right?  

God has a plan for us.  I firmly believe that and told each of my kids - “If God hadn’t needed you in this world, you wouldn’t be here.  You are here for a reason.”

Lately, I question what that reason might be.

I wrote this in my journal this morning after reading the above verse.

“I keep trying to find the ‘right’ thing to do. I keep trying to prove I love You.  Like Peter when he denied you shortly after saying he’d die for you, I fail.  Sometimes I have failed in big ways.  Sometimes, small, subtle ways.  Yet, over and over … I try.

“Is this how, Lord?” I ask.  “Will my writing show my love - my obedience to You?  Is that my purpose?  Will my art?  Memorizing verses?  My Bible study times? What can I do to prove I love you?  That I am worthy of Your love?  That I am obedient?”

And, all the while, you are standing right here, arms wide open saying, “Be still, deni …. be still and just let me love you.”

Sometimes I forget.  Sometimes I forget that He loved me first.  Sometimes I forget I need not earn that love - and as I do less and less - I do not lose any of my value in His eyes.

Now, I don’t know about you, but realizing this deep down inside has changed a lot of things. 

If I get something done.

Fine.

If I get nothing done.

That’s fine, too.

All I truly need do is let Him love me and abide in that love.

How I needed those words today.

Perhaps, you need them, too.

Father God, what an amazing gift you have given us: the gift of Your great love.  Help us to keep that knowledge firmly planted in our heads and hearts - and on those days when we are capable of doing nothing else, let us simply abide in that love.  Amen and amen

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Blessings

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