But I REALLY Wanted That …

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Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17

This is a challenging post to write.

Challenging because I'm not sure how it will be received and challenging because of all I faced that led me to this place today.

My mom's memory has gotten progressively worse at an alarmingly rapid rate.  She is forgetting things that were second nature to her.

Yesterday, she forgot how to use her cell phone. She didn't know how to answer it.  She didn't realize she had speed dial on her phone that would make calls.  She was just pressing numbers to see what it would do. She would forget she made a call to me as soon as she hung up and she'd press the number again. She'd think I had called her, when she had called me.

She was evidently holding the phone upside down when she did try to talk on the phone. She couldn't hear me speak and would shout "Hello?  Hello?" into the wrong end of the phone.  After about the 7th emotional call from her and my making multiple calls to her nurse, I could think of only one thing to do.

I asked them to take her cell phone away and if she needed to make a call, dial it for her and hand it to her.  

It hurt to do that.

I knew it would trigger her paranoia about being in some kind of a lockdown facility.

But I felt I had to take that step.

Having the phone was causing her so much emotional distress. Her nurses were getting frustrated, not really knowing how to soother her.  And it was upsetting me to hear her crying and sobbing over her own forgetfulness and not being able to hear me.

I wondered if I had done the right thing.  

Yet I knew I had, even though it had hurt me to have to take her phone.

As usual, it got me to thinking about God.

Sometimes God tells us "No."

Sometimes God knows we can't handle something we really want.

I used to believe in a vindictive god.  One who delighted in pulling our puppet strings just to make us dance to his music.

I'm so glad I know better now.

I've had things in my life that I have desperately wanted.  I've cried over them.  Begged and pleaded.  And the answer was still "no."

I understood that a bit better after yesterday.

Sometimes God knows when we are simply unable to handle some of our wants.  That things would get out-of-control and harm us, or those around us, even more.

I'm even thinking that it might bring God pain to do some of the things He does.  That His saying no to us is not easy because He loves us so much.

I've no real Scriptural basis for that idea.

I just know the pain I felt as I made that decision.  And I know God loves us much more than I could ever love my mom - and I love her so very, very much.

So the next time God tells you "no," realize it might be because He loves you more than you'll ever understand.

Father God, Thank you Your love and your answers to our prayers, even when we don't understand or even like them.  Help us to see the loving care and concern behind every answer to every prayer. Help us to remember that You can see further ahead than we can - and know the end result of each of our many desires.  Amen and amen.

Comments are both welcomed and encouraged! I so appreciate hearing your thoughts and getting to know you through them!  I do read them and am so blessed by them. Please let me know if I can be praying for you.  If it is a private request you can email me from my contact page.  (There is a place to mark in the comment section if you wish to be notified of replies.)

For my email friends - have you visited the  Encouraging Words  website?  You can find devotionals listed by topics, visit the archives, and leave your thoughts on this post (or anything else you'd care to share!)   Just click on the link.  :)

 © deni weber 2010-2015