But I Should Be ...

<Insert your own image of messy house here!>

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God. Or am I trying to please people?  If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10

It seems that one of the major problems of living this life of chronic illness is dealing with all of the things that either we - or others - feel we "should" be doing.

I know I have often tried to live up to the expectations of others.  I am what my mom used to call "house proud."  I never wanted anyone to come over unless things were perfectly in order.  

As my illnesses progressed that became harder and harder to do.  When company would come over, we'd do what we now call a "stash and dash," scurrying around to try to get things presentable.

My stash and dash days are over.  It's been a long time since I could be house proud, and I really used to beat myself up over it.

I guess that goes for a lot of other things, too.  

I'd put on that plastic smile for others.  I'd not let them know how much pain I was truly in.  I'd simply try to do too much.

Somehow, I felt I "had" to.

What would I get back out of all of that?

Usually a lot of pain.

It took a while for me to realize it didn't really matter.  I didn't need to "please" any of these people - or the old ideals in my own head.

The only one I need worry about is God.

I put post it notes up around the house where I would see them.

"I am here to glorify God.  How am I doing right now?"

That started to help me change my perspective.

I guess when we are ill we need to adapt to an every-changing "new normal."

We don't need to worry if we can't meet the standards we or others set for ourselves.

Seems to me that there are only three things we need do.  

We love God - because He first loved us.

We love others - because He first loved us.

We love ourselves (sometimes the hardest one!) - because He first loved us.

And we can do that even on the days where nothing else gets done!

Father God, Thank you that you so clearly tell us what our true goals in life are.  Help us to live our lives in a manner pleasing to you.  Amen and amen.


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