Compared to What?

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Every so often, I figure out an aspect of my personality that contributes to my own unhappiness. As I've felt better than I have for months, I've begun to dabble with my art journal a bit. I've figured out what supplies are easy for me to use with limited mobility and am attempting to make journal pages with some of my favorite scripture verses on them to give me something cheerful to go back to when I'm down. 

As much as I love to create, I am not quick to learn new things and I look to the work of others for inspiration. Mixed media art is new to me and sometimes overwhelming. 

I've been drawn to Pinterest and can spend hours looking at the wonderful creations of others. But, if I spend too much time doing that, I inevitably begin to compare what I create to that of others - and at least in my own eyes, suffers miserably in comparison. 

I know what comes next.

Depression.  

Dissatisfaction.

Wanting to quit.

Those old feelings of "not good enough" surface. 

The same thing applies to other aspects of my life: my health, the state of my home, and even my spiritual life.

Most of my depression has its roots somewhere in the fact that I compare myself to others. In fact, lately, when asked how I am, I sometimes want to respond, "Compared to what?" A healthy person? When I am at my worst? On a "good" day?  How I wish I felt?

So, it seems that one of my current lessons is not just accepting my current circumstances, but also, accepting myself.

And that drives me back to Scripture once again. Lately, it seems most everything does.

My son, who is wise beyond his years, often reminds me "it could be worse."  

That helps me to realize and be grateful for what I do have and what I still can do.  

Funny how often gratitude is the answer to my depressive moods. And as Thanksgiving is just around the corner, I must remember to do just that. I must not let my penchant for comparison take away from all I have gained.

And the thing I am most grateful for?  That long ago, men sat down and wrote about Christ. And not only about him, but Christ crucified on a bloody cross, so that I have so very much to be grateful for: That one day, I will find myself face-to-face with my God.

Christ not only accepted me as I am, he died for me.

And that, my beloved readers, is beyond compare.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20



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