Revisiting: Embracing What We Have Left


This post was written a mere year ago.  Little did I dream of the losses we'd be facing as a family.  Yet, I find these words are true for me today, just as they were a year ago. If you are struggling with loss today, I pray you will take God's promise of restoration to heart.

waterfall

Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust has eater, the creeping locust, the stripping locust, and the gnawing locust. My great army which I sent among you.  You will have plenty to eat and be satisfied and praise the name of the Lord your God who has dealt wondrously with you; then my people will never be put to shame.  Joel 2:25-26

It was an interesting conversation.

"You know, after Julie died - I wanted to die, too.  There was so much pain.  I didn't think I could make it through another day.  Yet, morning after morning, I woke up.  It finally dawned on me that if I was waking up day after day, God must want me here and I need to embrace the days I have left."

That was my family doctor/friend confiding in me about how he was doing since the death of his wife.  She died four years ago - about the same time my dad died.  They were in the same hospice center and their deaths are kind of a shared pain.

After I got home I started thinking about my own life since my diagnoses.  I remember going to an Invisible Illness online conference where one of the speakers was talking about looking your best, making your best efforts to live as healthy a life as you can.  

I was mad.  Didn't this gal know I was SICK?  Why act like I was ok?

Four years later .... I, too, finally get it.

Yes, there have been huge losses.  Huge.  Yes, there is pain.  Yes, sometimes I wake up wondering why I have woken up to emptiness.

I am (and I think, slowly have been) awakening to the realization that I, like my doctor friend, need to embrace the days I have left.

I don't have the time to waste on pity parties (ok, maybe once in a while), I need to get on with what there is left for me to do.  I think that is part of my writing - encouraging others is something to embrace.  

It's part of my excitement at learning to do my tiny little pastel paintings.  No, I can't do all I want to, and yes, I know that summer is the good time of year for me.  So, I take advantage of the warmth.

I feel as if I need to make up for all the lost days, weeks, and years that have been lost to me.

I also know that only God can make me feel this way.  As I embrace the time I have with Him each day - create my own little morning routine of spending time with Him, my life brightens.  The music I want to play changes.  My whole attitude begins to shift.

I can continue to mourn the past that has been more than adequately mourned - or embrace whatever time I have left and live this life the best I can, knowing God is helping me each step of the way.

Father God, I pray for encouragement for each reader, that when the time is right and their mourning days are over, they will embrace each day they have left finding all the joy in it they possibly can as you restore to them, the lost days.  Amen and amen.

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