Even Under the Sea

beach waves free to use.jpg


With most members of my household gone now, for one reason or another, I find my days get long and lonely.  I’m just not used to being alone anymore.


My growing up years were fairly solitary.  I liked to be alone, writing music or poetry, reading almost anything that had words, journaling, listening to music all amply filled my time.  Add in school and my artistic dance skating love, and my days were overly filled.


As a non-traditional college student, I spent fourteen years pursing my doctorate in clinical psychology, while working part-time in a rural school system befriending kids with emotional disabilities.


My family home was always full after the birth of my four children, remarriage which added two more adult children and subsequent wives and grandchildren, and the adoption of my daughter’s two little ones (both now nearly grown).


But life changes.  And even though I often scream change back, it doesn't.


Life circumstances and some of my own choices have me where I am today.


Most of the time alone, except for the company of my fourteen-year-old adopted daughter and the occasional time spent with my caretaker son - who, when he is here, is busy cooking, fixing things, and taking care of my daily necessities.


That leaves a LOT of free time.


A lot of time in which to be lonely.


I've never been a terribly social person.  Being on the autism spectrum (as are my children), I often don't understand the point of chit-chat conversation and am not very adept at meeting new people, carrying on conversations.  Social encounters are hard and kind of scary for me.


I have a few close friends who understand my quirks, and for that I am grateful.  But most folks don't quite get it - or are envious that I have so much time on my hands now.


One of the traps that I don't want to fall into, that I admit often entice me, are filling my time with meaningless computer games, websites, Facebook, Pinterest (which do have a place in my life, but can take over if I let them), 


I'm trying to figure out how to make this time quality time - the final portion of my life being time well spent.  At 64, with multiple chronic challenges, one never knows the number of days left and I want to use them well - not waste them.


But, there is that loneliness issue and feeling trapped on the days when getting out of bed and moving seems impossible.


Not terribly long ago we got a Roku and ditched cable, as I can't afford cable anymore.  Roku, is, for those who don't know, this nifty little box deal you plug into your television and it acts a bit like cable.  It uses your wifi signal to bring streaming channels into your home.


Some of the channels are ones you pay for, but many are free.  It has been a blessing for me to find.


Currently, I have a YouTube video playing on my television.


I'm enjoying "visiting" other places, places where I have never been and have always wanted to go.  I've visited Hawaii, Fiji, and am anticipating watching ones about other countries.  They are set to relaxing music and I so enjoy feeling I am seeing more of the world.  God's world.


As I sat this morning, watching an amazing underwater video that showed a myriad of tropical underwater plants and sea life, I thought about Psalm 139.  It seems I can’t help but praise God at the wonder of creation, when I'm watching these videos that soothe my soul, and As a small underwater plant swayed delicately to an undetectable ocean current, I thought of the verses in 139 where it states:


Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?  If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!  If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. (Psalm 139:7-10 ESV)


The amazement I felt as I watched this, for me, undiscovered and hidden world and realized that even far under the water, God's creations live and declare who He is was undescribable.  No matter where we go ... He is there.  


I feel humbled.  My spirit wants to praise Him.  I can't comprehend his amazing creation, the details, the variety.  It overwhelms me and leaves me speechless with praise in my heart.


So, once again, God is taking these unfilled hours, and showing me how to fill them with Himself. This time, He uses technology to take me places and let me see things far beyond what would be possible in my "real" life.


God is so good.


Even in the midst of change and loneliness on a human level, He is so good.


I am amazed I can call Him, my Creator - my Redeemer and my Friend.


God is good.


And He is all around us when we look.


Link to YouTube Video  (For what it is worth, the title does have “New Age Music” in it toward the end of its description, but for myself, it is just relaxing music and an enjoyable video - with no specific new age religious intent.  If you see something in this that you feel is offense from a Christian standpoint, other than the title, please let me know … I’m interested in hearing why it would be classified as such.  Thanks!


 © deni weber 2010-2015