Feeling Naked Before God

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He said, “I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself.” Genesis 3:10 

I thought it would feel differently.

I guess I thought I would feel some kind of elation, rejoicing even, when I got to this point.

I’m learning that completely surrendering my life to God is not easy for me. I’ve simply not been willing to do it.

I think my last holdout has been my artwork.

Well, TV, too.

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with either of those.

But for me, they take up corners where God could be residing.

They take precedent.

This seeking after God business gets serious, when you really mean it.

And I guess, I really mean it.

I’ve talked about surrendering everything to God.

I just didn’t realize how empty it would feel when I actually did it.

I’m seeing the need for a new order in my life.

One that doesn’t involve distractions.

I’ve learned to use a lot of distractions since my car accident.  That is the turning point of my adult life.  After that, my challenges just piled on, one after another.

I’m seeing that this past year, with all of it’s losses, is the turning point in my spiritual life.

I’ve used a lot of things to keep me from facing a simple truth.

None of the things that I’ve tried to fill my life with can even come close to replacing God.

You see, that’s what I’ve been doing.  

I don’t mean playing an online game to distract myself from pain.  I tend to get hooked on them, and not do what all I could be doing.

I’ve had many little “gods” in my life.

It’s time to put them away.

I’ve realized that I want to be empty of all my useless wants and let God take care of my needs.

I’m tired of temporary fixes that only create more problems in the long run.

My kids have heard, “Not now, I’m finishing up a game” one too many times.

I’ve stayed up way too late watching episode after episode of “Dr. Who,” “White Collar,” or “Leverage on Netflix.

I’ve sat  absorbed in my artwork at the expense of my family once too often.

I’ve neglected the eternal and thrown myself into the temporary.

What has this got to do with chronic illness?

Nothing.  

I’m the same spiritual me with or without my challenges.  One day they will be gone.

Everything.

I’m the same spiritual me with or without my challenges.  One day they will be gone.

So, my choice is to let go of even the tiniest corners of me, the ones that I have hidden from God.

I feel empty.

Almost naked.

I won’t pretend I like the feeling at all.

But I know it is where I need to be.

For me … it is the next step.

(I feel the need to add that this is how God is working in MY life.  I am not advocating that God wants you to stop watching TV, or playing online games, or whatever it is that you enjoy doing.  This is not a legalistic thing. What I am saying is that we need to look at the things that get in the way of our relationship with God.  For me, it happens to be the things I mentioned.)

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