Is It Worth It?

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That I may know Him ….  Philippians 3:10a

Home from the hospital less than 24 hours and I had a visit from a friend.  

I wasn’t able to get up to answer the door so, she just came in on her own.  Seeing me in my hospital bed (it lives in our living room), still tired and not looking my best, she paused. 

 “deni … is it really worth it?” she asked.  “Is it worth all this?”

I gave her a strange look as it was such an odd greeting.  I guess I do look pretty bad right now.

And I knew exactly what she was saying.

Is it worth it for me to keep on keeping on.

She knew of my recent hospital adventure and how taxing it was.

So I had to ask myself … is it worth it?

What’s stopping me from just giving up?

My first response was to mention my 13-year-old adopted daughter who has already lost her birth mom.

To me, that in and of itself is worth the struggle.

“Kinda figured you’d say that,” she nodded.

After she left I got to thinking more about her question.

Why is it worth it to keep on standing back up after every health knock down?  Is is only for my daughter?  I’ve things in place where I know she will be well-cared for and loved if something happens to me.  She is happy with my choice.

So, what does keep me going?

The obvious answer is that God does.

But, it’s more than that.

The sicker I get - the more spiritual things appeal to me.  The more I seek God.  The closer He draws to me.

I think, for a large part, it’s the lessons I’m learning.

Hard lessons.

Painful lessons.

But ones I can learn no other way.

To lose everything … to gain everything.  I remember when that didn’t make sense.

Now, it does.

In the past few days, I’ve seen God answer prayers that seemed impossible.

I’ve had a bright light shown on icky parts of my character.  And seen things I know I need to change - things I want to change in me.

I’ve realized how important encouragment is for me.  Both to give … and to get.

I’ve realize how very alone I can be in this world.

I’ve also learned, I’m never alone.

I’ve learned I can witness from a hospital bed.

I’ve learned people seem to thirst to hear the stories of what God has done - as if their parched souls need something to hold on to, to even believe there is a God who cares.

I’ve seen needs far greater than my own.

I’ve learned I can smile at past pains.

So, so many lessons.

I’m seeing the fodder for many devotionals in these events. 

God willing, I’ll be able to write them.

But, for now … today … if you are struggling and wondering if it’s worth it - the pains, the tests - the unanswered questions - the need to keep fighting - my response to you is:

“Yes. It’s worth it.  It can be amazingly worth it.”

So hold on.

And believe.

It’s worth it - whether it looks like it right now or not.

Father God, thank you for the many blessings we can find while in the middle of the most challenging of days.  Thank you that you truly are there when we need you the most.  Thank you for loving us when we are unloveable.  Help us to open our eyes to all that is around us and see the ways in which we can still serve and love You. And most of all, that we trust you for the strength to go on for just one more day.  Amen and amen.

 © deni weber 2010-2015