Learning Not to Fear

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The following 2008 devotional hits close to home for me.  After having miraculously survived a cardiac arrest last March, I have had even more fears about my heart and the upcoming possibilities of intervention.  “Fear not” has become one of my favorite comments to myself.  I’d like to share another verse today, besides the one I used in the original posting.  Matthew 28:20 has come to mean a lot and is frequently repeated when fears arise. Not only is He with me always … He is with me in all ways.

“And lo, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”


Fear Not

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  (Isaiah 41:10) 

I startle as I feel my heart pound.  It skips a beat, then beats wildly against my chest wall.  I can feel the arrhythmia as it starts up.  An icy fear clutches my heart as well.  No.  I don’t want this again.  No … please … no.  But the erratic beating continues.  I stand and feel dizzy.  I lie back down.  I know what the doctor has said to me about the arrhythmia continuing and the next steps in treatment.  I don’t like them.  I don’t want them to happen. I bow my head and pray.  “Lord, I know it is possible for you to put my heart back into regular rhythm.  I ask, Lord, if it be Your will, that you do just that.  Lord, I don’t want to face this.”

I look back at what I have just written.  How many times did I use the word “I”?  I am so self-focused.  I relax a bit.  “Thy will be done” starts to sink into.  Then the fear rises again. “ But I am not safe in a hospital” I begin to argue with the Lord.  “I cannot handle the IV’s, I clot so easily”,  talking to Him as if He is unaware of that fact.  ‘I’m allergic to the meds … I could have convulsions … I don’t like the success rate – so many things could go wrong …..”  My words falter.

I am talking to my God as if He is not aware of all of this.  I want to beg not to face this fear.  “Fear not.  I am with you.”  Verses begin to enter my conscious thoughts.  “Be strong, be of good courage.  Do not tremble or be afraid.”  

I have heard that there are 365 places in the Bible where God tells us, in one form of words or another, not to be afraid  I realize I have to start taking control of my thoughts.  I begin to breathe deeply and slowly, despite the erratic beating of my heart. Over and over I repeat:

“Fear not.  I am with you.”  

“Fear not, I am with You.”  

He knows I am going to face fearful times.  Now is when I must draw from His strength.  His wisdom.  His comfort.  His assurances.

“Fear not.  I am with You.”

Always.

 © deni weber 2010-2015