More on Brokenness 

horse and trainer.jpg

I've had a number of messages and emails since Fighting the Emptiness was posted.  I'm realizing that what I thought was a clear message may have been anything but clear.

It seems there are different kinds of emptiness - different kinds of brokenness  - aside from what I am feeling.

There are those of you who feel empty - who have no hope - who wonder how they will get on to the next day … the next hour.  There are some of you who are so broken you don't feel you could ever be "fixed."

I got to thinking about how to differentiate between my "empty" and "broken" and that of those feel only darkness.

The best comparison I could think of is that of a horse that needs to be broken.  A wild horse, who will not tolerate giving over control to no one.  One that rebels and rears up against the person trying to tame him.

Horses can only be useful, if you will, once they are broken.  It doesn't mean shattered or destroyed.  It means coming under the dominion of one who will lead them.

That is my broken.  That is my empty.  I need to give up going my own way.  I need to be lead.

Neither my brokenness nor my emptiness is without hope.

I'm finding it is actually a good place to be.

I know many of you may not understand this.

Perhaps it is from surviving loss after loss - child, father, brother, husband.  Perhaps it is from the many illnesses that have placed themselves in front of me.  Perhaps it is just from having lived for sixty-one years - and I now have a different perspective.

This brokenness … this emptiness … is not one that needs to be fixed.

In fact, I am reveling in the knowledge that God is bringing me to a place where I will find complete wholeness within Him.

Yes, I will be filled with joy … but it will be because of Him.  His love will overflow.  It is as if, at long last, I am realizing His rights to all of me.

You can call it surrendering.

You can call it abandonment.

You can call it submission to God's will.

You can attach many names to it.

Yet, every name points back to God.

God may never bring you to the place in which I find myself.  He may have a completely different path in front of you. I am not saying your emptiness is the same as mine.  I'm not saying that you need to - or should be - reveling in painful emptiness.  I apologize to those of you who felt I was saying that.

All I know how to do is tell my story.

And then pray, that somehow God can use my story in your life.

Father God, I pray that any misunderstanding that was created by my writing of emptiness is cleared up.  Help each reader to look to you in complete trust as they go through each painful trial.  Hold them close, Lord.  Help them to feel Your love, even as I feel Your love.  Amen and amen.  

Image source:  Wikipedia Commons

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