Out of the Darkness - Day Four

This is a continuation of the posting of then prologue to my manuscript Out of the Darkness.  The death of my daughter was indeed the darkest day of my life.  That I had fallen away from God was evidenced in my life - but these days drew me back closer to Him than ever before.  The prologue is the backstory giving insight into my own spirituality during the days and years before her death. 

Day one is HERE.  Day two is HERE.  Day three is HERE



The pain increased both in her body and in her soul.  The ache in her soul she could deny.  The pain in her body she could not.  Eventually, she lay in a hospital bed, looking out the window into the night, tears filling her eyes as she questioned why, knowing that her death was near.  “Why did you lead me to believe there was more? Why did you let me dream of dancing among the stars?”  As the tears slipped down her cheeks she decided that there was no one to hear her questions.  No one at all.  Little by little she detached herself from the pain. Her real self, now unfeeling, seemed velcroed to a body wracked in pain.

One night, when she felt she could endure no more, she closed her eyes and surprisingly found herself in the comforting darkness of her childhood.  Wondering if she was dreaming, she let her soul become quiet.  In the stillness of the dark, she felt the warmth and comfort of so many years before.  Yet this time, this time she knew for certain that she was not alone.  Sensing rather than hearing she was told many things.  She relaxed into the comfort.  There was no pain here.  Nothing but darkness, and warmth, and comfort.  “I know this place,” she said to herself.  “I have been here before” It was as if she was wrapped in loving arms, the most loving arms she could imagine ,not even needing to question who held her. She knew she was safe.  She knew she was loved, and that was all that mattered.

            “You can let go you know. Simply will it and it will be over. The pain. The enduring. The not knowing.  You can safely let go and you will dance among the stars. And I will dance with you.”  Though no words had been spoken, she knew the truth of what she sensed. “There is no shame in letting go. If the pain is too great, if you truly cannot endure, you can come home.  But I need you to know, my precious love, I need you to know that the reason you are here has yet to be accomplished.”        

            That concept startled her. Reason? There is a reason?  What she knew all along was true?  She sat in silence in the darkness of her mind. “I will love you, no matter what you decide.  You may let go and join the stars and dance or stay. It is up to you. But I must tell you precious one, that there will be more pain.  Tremendous pain. Life is made up of pain.  Pain and joy.  You cannot have one with out the other.  Not here.  Not now.  But one day … one day, it will be joy supreme.  Joy unlike any you have ever known.

To be continued 

 © deni weber 2010-2015