Rejoicing and Weeping

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Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15

I have heard that grace is what happens when God gives us what we don’t deserve - and mercy when we do not get what we do deserve.

I’ve strongly felt both the past two weeks.

It’s funny, cuz I feel kind of reluctant to write - though I know you all will rejoice with me.

The cancer was caught at an early stage, is hormone-related, and has a 90% success rate.  At the moment it appears my body is cancer-free and my doc assures me I will be closely monitored for the next five years.

In the quiet moments, lately, I’ve been wondering, “Why me?  Why am I one of the fortunate ones?

Many don’t get news as good as mine.

I came to from surgery with the surgeon whispering joyfully in my ear that the lymph nodes were clear. I could hear the smile in his voice.

God saved me once, last year - from a potentially deadly cardiac arrest.

This year, He has once again given me the gift of life.

For now, no chemo … no radiation … only a tiny white pill that will destroy the estrogen which was feeding my cancer - albeit slowly.

Beloved readers, it’s almost hard to share this good news.  I think of those of you who have had much worse outcomes than mine.  I think of those of you who have faced or are facing chemotherapy, radiation, and medications that are harsh on your body.

I think of those of you who are in pain and suffering.

It’s hard to rejoice for myself while I know others are still suffering.

This whole event, from diagnosis until now has been so strange.  None of my reactions are those I expected: from the peace I felt going into surgery (at one point I told God I didn’t want imperfect peace - I wanted perfect peace in Him - and He so generously gave), to the joy of finding out that my outcome is a relatively good one.  (My doctor said if I had to pick a cancer to have, I picked the right one) - to my reaction to thinking of those who are suffering more than I.

So yes, I rejoice and sing and praise.

And I think and pray for each of you - that no matter what your circumstance - God will give you that perfect peace that does indeed pass all understanding .

So today, I rejoice and I weep.

My words to you after fourteen days?

Look to Him.  Hold on to Him.  Sing to Him.  Pray to Him.  Pray for others. Especially pray for others.

Do what I intend to do for as long as I can.

Live.

Father God, Thank you for your amazing grace.  Help me to make the most of each moment you deign to give to me - and Father - hold tightly on to my brothers and sisters, and grant them peace: now and forever.  Amen and amen.

 © deni weber 2010-2015