Starting the Day Angry

anger.tiff

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: Proverbs 23:7

The first thing I notice when I wake up is that I'm freezing.  The temperature dropped during the night and we didn't have the furnace turned on. My ribs are hurting. My body hates the cold.

The second thing that I notice is that my feet are still swollen and hurting.  Keeping them up at night usually helps. It didn't.  The cold again?  I'm not sure.

I look at the clock.  I've overslept.  The kids aren't up yet.  We'll be behind for school.

My irritation rises with each event.

My mom's nurse calls.  She'll be here in five minutes or so.

I didn't know my mom, who lives with us,  had an appointment.  She keeps asking her home healthcare workers to call her rather than us.   The problem is that my mom has memory issues.  She isn't even awake yet.  Why did she accept an appointment this early?

I find myself thinking, "Don't those nurses realize that she can't remember something you told her last Thursday."  I've asked and asked for them to call us instead.  She wants the calls and tells them so.

Ok.  I'm past irritated now.

My daughter comes in by me.  There is no cereal.  What is she supposed to have for breakfast?

I'm ready to explode. This is too much to handle for the first 20 minutes of my day.

This does not bode well for the rest of my day either.

But, as my dad would say, "Welcome to life 101."

Yeah.  You'd think I'd have at least gotten to 102 by now!

That lightens things up a bit for more.  

So, I take a deep breath and slow myself down emotionally.

Now, I don't know about you, but if I start the day exasperated and angry, my whole day seems to go that way. I'd rather that not happen.

If I'm angry, I'll take it out on everyone around me.  I'll tense up and hurt.  And I'll fall into my pity-party trap of "poor me."  I become a victim of the things that happen to me.  

This morning I decide, "No, thank you.  I've had enough of that."

I turn on the small heater I have next to my chair.  It starts to warm me immediately. That in itself helps.

I tell my daughter that a sandwich will have to do for breakfast and that I'll ask her uncle to buy us more cereal.  (I don't do the shopping for the house.)

I tell myself that calming down is my order for the day.

And I know I can't do that without God. I feel Him telling me that I'm looking at the wrong side of things.

I notice the sunshine outside that is peeking through the curtains.  It may be cold - but it's sunny.  Better than cold and rainy.

The nurse gets here for my mom.  I'm grateful for home-heath care.

My daughter settles in to her desk for her online school.   Being late isn't really going to matter.  She'll just need to work a bit later today.

Today's anger was over little things. Some days I'm angry over bigger things.  Some days find me angry and in tears over the fact my husband died.  That wasn't supposed to happen.  Not yet.

I need to find the other side for those days. I had an amazing relationship for 22 years.

I get angry over the condition of my body and how little I seem to be able to do anymore.  

I need to flip that around as well.  There are still things I can do.

And now, as I near the end of this post, I find my anger has dissapated. 

The day is going to be ok after all.

I got my heart to thinking rightly again.

Father God, Thank you that you can help us change the way we think, the way we look at things. It helps so much with the rest of our lives.  Our emotions, our health, our spiritual closeness to You.  Thank you that we need not have an angry day - even when it starts out that way.  Amen and amen.

 © deni weber 2010-2015