The Me He Wants Me To Be

Once again, searching through my files brought this devotional, previously posted on Rest Ministries, to the surface.  Written two years ago, I find I am still on the same quest and still facing new challenges.  Somehow, during the past weeks, I have forgotten to look for the gifts.  What a great reminder for me.  I hope it might be useful to you as well.

lipstick mirror

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way ever lasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24, NIV)

I hate to admit I sometimes dwell in “poor me” land. Yet God is not letting me stay there. You see, I asked God to search my heart and He took me at my word.

I find I am encountering lesson after lesson causing me to grow and stretch to become the “me” He wants me to be. Many lessons have their roots in my challenges. I need to face self-pity and not wallow in it. I need to walk away from self-righteousness. (Well, if they only knew what I was going through …) Self-importance has had to be put to death as I let go of my dreams of who I thought I was going to be.

I am the first to admit that the life of chronic pain and illness is incredibly difficult. I am also becoming willing to admit that it has given me many gifts. It has made me more reliant on God than I ever have been. I am beginning to understand how He can permeate my life if I let Him. I am learning that sometimes life hurts. That is just a fact. I am learning that if I look, I can find a blessing or a gift.

I am learning how important the small stuff is. While the popular saying may be “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” I am learning to squeeze every moment of joy I can out of the small stuff. A day I am able to type without hurting? Praise God! The phone rings and it is a friend asking how I am? How I cherish it!

It sounds so contradictory to say I am becoming friends with my challenges, yet I am realizing they are challenging me to become more – and not less. More of what God wants me to be. More of who I truly am. More like Him, than ever before. Easy? No. Of the utmost value? Yes.

Prayer: Father God, Thank you that you are allowing me to see my life through new eyes: Ones that allow me to see You in every moment of my life. Amen.

 © deni weber 2010-2015