The Things I Didn't Expect


I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living. Psalm 27:13

Oh, the lessons that this life with chronic challenges teach me.  They are so hard learned and so precious.

I'm realizing how vital it is for me to appreciate the good days (hours, minutes) that I have, and not begrudge the bad.  In the past I know I would be so incredibly depressed that the relatively good health that allowed me to do my art show has peaked and I'm sliding downward again.  I'd perhaps be angry that my heart is acting up again and that I am once again sitting most of the day in my recliner.  

While I do wish those good days had continued, I am finding I am looking back on those two days with a warm feeling.  What a blessing to be able to be out in the "real world," even if just for those two days.

Last night, I had a respite from my irregular heart rhythms.  I saw it as a blessing.  Although it is seemingly over this morning, I can look on last night and be grateful.

It's ironic that while my view of God is getting bigger and bigger, I am seeing smaller and smaller things to be grateful for.  

This is such a rocky road - full of unexpected twists and turns. I truly am learning that I never know what to expect.  

I didn't expect to be where I am healthwise at this age - especially since my parents lived such vital lives well into their 80's.  (My mom is still going strong at 95.)

I didn't expect my daughter's death and the raising of her children.

I didn't expect I'd have to give up my hard-fought battle to use my doctorate in psychology.

I also didn't expect to be reintroduced to my love of artwork.

I didn't expect to meet such amazing people on this journey!  I have met people who are so dearer to me than I ever could have dreamed possible.

I didn't expect to be grateful that, at this moment, I do not feel any erratic beating of my heart.

It some ways it's almost an exciting journey - not knowing what to expect.  Yes, there are bad things and bad times.  But there is good, too.

I guess I didn't expect to be taught lessons this way!

For the moment - I am content.  And I know, that in my humanness that contentment will not last.  I'll be discontent again.  Yet, the times when I am grateful for even the smallest things seem to come closer and closer together.

It has taken much to get to this place.  

I'd not have gotten here without God.

My words for today?

Appreciate those good days - or hours - or minutes.  Hold on to them and be grateful. My dad once said something as we drove by the drive-in movie by our house.

'I don't understand people who cry when the movie is over or the book is read.  We need to be grateful we had the experience at all."

I'm beginning to understand.

Father God, Help us to be aware of those good moments life gives to us.  Help us to hold them dear and cherish them fully.  Help us not to be bitter or angry that those moments don't continue as much as we might wish they would.  Help us live those moments fully, thanking you that they existed at all. Amen and amen.

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