The Ugly Invaders

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After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.      1 Peter 5:10

I would have told you that I had a pretty good handle on my thought life.

Would have.

This morning?

This morning I find my mind invaded by ugly thoughts.  I feel attacked by them.  Bombarded.

I had a friend who called it "Getting hit with the stun gun."

Yep.

Even my dreams last night were fraught with worry, confusion, doubt.

As I woke this morning, the nighttime dreams translated into daytime nightmares.

Over and over.

What now?

What next?

How do I cope?

How do WE cope?

My daughter's reactive attachment disorder, from early abandonment and neglect of her birth mother, has triggered.  Now, her daddy has left her, too. Physically eleven, she is only about six years old emotionally.  She is acting out.  Overeating, stealing, lying.  I know it is birthed from her own painful infancy.

How do I cope with her pain?  I can barely handle my own.

She is afraid of her gramma dying, of my dying.  She knows I am ill.

I find myself almost in a panic.

How do I cope with it all.

Short answer?

I don't.

No, that doesn't mean I completely give up in despair.

It means I take it all to God and lay it at His feet.

It doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?

But all of my worries and fears and doubts and confusion give me no resolve.

They don't change a thing.

They only damage me.

And I've had enough damage the past few months, thank you very much.

So, I turn my back on them.

Sometimes, I actually get up and turn around and sit back down somewhere else for a few minutes.  (Gonna confuse those little monsters!) I refuse to sit in those feelings.  I can't.  I won't.

But, it takes God.  I can't do this alone. 

No.  

I can't do it at all.

But God can.

And will.

Father God, oh for Your strength during days like these!  How fully I must rely on you.  Not even the smallest particle of "me" can handle it. I thank You that on the days when I am at my weakest, your strength will carry me through.  Amen and amen.

Image courtesy of africa / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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