Underestimating God?

Three Red Candles croped

Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Ephesians 3:20 (KJV)

When I underestimate myself, I am underestimating God's power.

Big words for me to write.

I've been homebound, wheelchair restricted for so many years, I'd prefer not to actually count them.

Yes, a lot of what has kept me home has been legitimate health concerns.  Last year, I was a lot worse off physically than I am today.

I realized this when I was able to put my coat on by myself.  I didn't need someone to hold it behind me.  For me, this was a humongous deal!

I still need someone to help me shower.  There are many things I can't do for myself.  Yet, the past two days have shown me how much I have let fear continue to drive my life.

As I look back, I can see that it was God opening the door to my tiny paintings that has allowed me to limber up my arms and shoulders to the point where I could steer a scooter.  Something I had tried before and had not been able to do.

I don't know if any of you have seen my tiny paintings.  One of the main reasons they are tiny is that my doctor had told me to give up painting completely as my arms and shoulders were tortured by the movements.

"Get another hobby," he had said. "Your body can't handle this."

Instead, I started painting smaller.  Bit by bit, my arms got used to the small movements necessary to paint ACEO's and the movements I needed to do to reach for paint.  I started to spend more time sitting up in my art chair.  I'd lapse into the joy of painting, wondering where the time went.

It wasn't until I put on my coat that I realized how much those little things had helped me.  

I look at my spiritual life.  The little things are changing me there, too.  I try to read a few chapters a day in my Bible in the morning.  It's not always first thing - but as close as I can get to it.  I have some Bible verses I'm trying to memorize.  I do a few every day.  I try to pray for those on my prayer list daily.  I make a commitment to this blog each day.  Each thing is tiny in and of itself.

But together they are making huge changes in how I view God.

I had to rely completely on God for my art show this past weekend.  There were so many times I was sure I couldn't do it.  My heart would act up.  I'd get dizzy and feel sick.  I'd want to go home.

Yet, I kept giving it to God over and over.  I texted a few people and asked for prayer. My heart settled down.  Over and over, "God, if I'm gonna do this - it has to be through You."

I think it is one of the first times I have relied on God that fully.  And the joy that came out of it!  Seeing the faces of those who loved art as much as I do take some of my work to their homes brought me incredible joy.  I was so blessed.  I pray they are blessed.  I felt like I was actually giving God's joy to others.  Wow.

If there is a point to this post, it is to emphasize the small steps.  I know I say it over and over in this blog.  But the thing is - they work.  Physically, spiritually, emotionally.  Small steps.

So, today, I am simply grateful to God for holding on to me as I took those first wobbly steps.  I don't know what will come next and that's ok.  I'm simply thrilled for the past week.  Rather than resent all the times I may have missed like this one, I am holding tightly onto this feeling of knowing I relied fully on God.

Readers, I was blessed.  I thank each of you who prayed for me regarding the show.  I know full well I could not have done it without you.

Much love to each of you, my beloved friends - even if we have never met - I keep you each in my heart.

Amen and amen.

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