When Fear Comes to Visit

fear

“The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You." Isaiah 26:3

Here I am again, Lord.  I feel myself spiraling down with fear again.  Why is it, that when I am sure I have this conquered  -  the fears descend again.

It's so disheartening.

Have you ever thought of this, child?  That when you feel that you are at the place where you have it conquered - you have no need for me?  

Who is it who conquers ... you - or me?

<silence>

But I hate the fears.  It's mostly when my heart starts skipping beats or adding extra beats - when the arrhythmia begins.

Child, You need to live a life dependent on me.  As soon as you feel you are doing this on your own, your faith begins to weaken.  I love you too much to let that happen.

<pondering>

So, in a way, the things I am afraid of are my reminders of my need for you.  I'm not sure I understand.  You want me to be afraid?

No, child.  Of course not.  What I want for you is perfect peace.  But you cannot find that peace apart from me.  That is what I want you to understand.

But the fears about my heart - I've not felt this afraid for a long time.  

You do understand that living with the fears can only harm you ...

Well, yes.  I guess I do. I ...

No, child ... Not you ... me.

<Silence again>

When you are overwhelmed by fears, you can trust that you are not focusing on me.

I don't like to think that.

But it is true.  There is nothing wrong with feeling the fear initially.  I gave you emotions.  But the emotions are your signal to do something.  If there is something you can do, you need to do it.  But even as you do all you need to, you need to come to me.  See your doctors.  Take care of yourself.  But always, always look to me.

Fear cannot abide in the same place as faith.

I'd ... I'd not thought of it like that before.

Then, think of it now.

It's that choice again, isn't it?  The one you keep reminding me of.  Fear ... or faith. I should know that by now.

No "should's" child.  You simply need to remember it now and carry it with you in the future.  Come back to it as often as you need.  Come to me as often as you need.

<talking to self quietly>

Fear cannot abide in the same place as faith.  Fear cannot abide in the same place as faith.  Fear cannot abide in the same place as faith.

<Looking up>

Father?

Yes, child?

I choose faith.

Father God, Thank you that over and over, you meet us where we are, accept us as we are, and encourage us to grow every stronger ... in You and Your love.  Amen and amen.

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