When God Says, "No"


My husband went to his workplace yesterday to pick up his personal belongings.  It was a day full of pain as the reality of his illnesses hit home.  He was walking away from the only job he had ever loved. I watched as his grief overwhelmed him - reminding me of the pain of my early losses.  This post is for him, originally penned in July of 2010.  

You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Psalm 139:5

But God, I don’t understand.  Why me?  Why now?

It is difficult for me to explain to you child.  At least right now.

It’s not fair!

I know it must seem that way to you.

It doesn’t ‘seem’ that way!  It is unfair!  Why me?

Haven’t you learned by now, little one, that I bring rain upon the just and the unjust alike?

But it’s not what I had planned.

Ah!  So we get to the heart of the matter!  It wasn’t your plan.

No!  Of course not!  I’d not ask for this!

Do you trust me, child?

<Silence>

Well, do you?

I … well … I did,  <feeling ashamed>

And that was when things were easy, wasn’t it?

<Silence again.  A reluctant nod ‘Yes.’>

I will tell you a secret child.  One that few people come to know and understand.  I am saying ‘No’ because you have been chosen.

That makes no sense!  Chosen for what?  To suffer?

No, child.  You have been chosen to be one of the few who walks so closely to me that you will feel my hand upon your shoulder.  You will know that I am with you.

<Silence>

You will need me, my beloved, in a way that many others never know.  And I have promised to be there for you.  I will be there for you.  All you need do is stop looking at the world and start looking at me.  Your lifetime here is just a blink of an eye.  It matters not how long or short it is.  What matters is that you walk it with me.

<Ever so quietly>  It still feels unfair.

And it will.  At least until you understand that this will draw you so close to me that you will feel me with you as you walk this life.  You will know me in a way so few do.  You will come to trust me in a way that will not be understood by many.  You will be truly mine.  You will be precious silver, having lived through the trial by fire.  You will find that all is well – even if everything in the world tells you otherwise.

I will need you, Lord.  I ... I need you now!

I know and expect that, child.

I’m scared.

I know and expect that, too.  But you will come to the place that you no longer fear.

But why this way?

Because it is the way I have chosen for you. Because it is the way I have chosen for you.  I have chosen a path for everyone.  Don’t compare your path to another's.  Theirs was chosen for them.  This is the path that will lead you to me. I say “No” because I love you.  I know you don’t understand.  But my beloved, one day you will.  The clouds will part and you will see clearly.  You will be able to sing of all I’ve done for you.   And you will mean every word.

Father God, Give us grace to deal with the times in our life when the answer to our prayer is, "no."  Let those times draw us ever closer to You as we grieve our losses.  Be our comforter.  Be our friend.  Be our majestic God.  Amen and amen.

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