When Life Hurts

David Castillo Dominici chains.jpg

I’ll never be able to say it as well as C. S. Lewis did in his book “The Voyage of the Dawn Treader,” and if you’ve never read the story, a quote may not make much sense - but the story tells of a young boy’s experience with being changed from what he had become into what Aslan (representative of Christ in the story) wanted him to be.

It was likened to having one’s skin peeled off.  Literally.  Not a sunburn peel, but having the very skin itself removed.

I read it in a devotional I receive called, “A Year With Aslan.’  (I’ve linked to it in case your interested in his amazing description.)

I didn’t write yesterday.  It wasn’t a good day.  It wasn’t anywhere near a good day.  It was a day that I prayed and prayed for relief, felt let down, abandoned by family, uncared for, with so many things going wrong that I ended up breaking down and sobbing over life in general.

Yeah, in a way it was a pity party - but the truth was, that the day’s events hurt.  A lot.

When I read Lewis’s devotional I realized it was truly like some of my skin had been ripped away.  Part of what I knew, part of what I was familiar with, part of what I thought I could rely on, was torn away from me in an unexpected way.

Yes.  It hurt.

Today, another loss.  Not a big one in the grand scheme of things, but one that showed me how little control I now have of my own world - my environment.  And it hurt.  I cried.  I cried over the loss of what I felt was rightfully mine.

Another piece of skin being ripped away.

I am so understanding Lewis’s metaphor.  Every loss is like another piece of skin being ripped away, leaving me raw and hurting.

Yet, underneath the old skin, the parts of me that hold me back from being truly His, is brand new, tender skin of a new me - the one that God desires me to be.

I never dreamed this process would be so painful.  Yet, I now see loss after loss in new ways.

I am being changed.

And it hurts.  It hurts to let go of core parts of me.  Of my rights.

Yet, what I am letting go of are the very things that chain me to this world.  That chain me to myself.  That keep the focus on me and my wants.

I’ve asked Him to work in my life.  I’ve asked to become truly His.  I’ve asked His Holy Spirit to work in me as He will.  And that can never happen while I cling to tightly to what I feel is rightfully mine.

“I am crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live.  And the life I now life in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.” Galatians 2:20

Charles Stanley said something years ago that I couldn’t make sense of at the time.

“Dead men have no rights.”

I’m beginning to understand.

 © deni weber 2010-2015