When the Journey Is too Much for You

I realize that I posted this only five months ago.  For that, I apologize.  Yet the message here is one I need to cling to as my mom deteriorates.  Day-by-day her memory issues become more prominent   

I find myself now the mama, helping her to do simple things like use the phone.  I listen to her as she repeats herself over and over.  

This journey once again feels as if it is too much for me. It might be different if I could get to her bedside and stay with her.  The closest I can get to her is by phone. My heart wants to go to her - my body can't fulfill that desire.  

Perhaps your journey  has gotten to be too much for you, as well.  Please know you are not alone, there are others traveling this pathway as well.  And God is ready to give each one of us the rest we need - the rest found only in Him.

crying angel

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

I cried today, Lord.

     I know child. I know.

I didn’t know I had so many tears to shed.

     Tears are not bad, little one.  They are precious to me.

     I have promised to catch each one.

But I cried for so long.

And so hard.

It felt like the sobs were coming all the way from my toes.

     Perhaps they were.

Lord, I’ve tried to be brave and strong.  Through each and every loss, I’ve tried to accept them as Your will.  I know Your will for me is my highest good.

     Oh little one, just because You choose to walk in my will, it does not mean you will not  feel loss and sorrow.  You know that.  Look within yourself.

The crying scared me, Lord.

I felt like I was crying for every loss I’ve ever had in my life.  Jamie’s death, losing my dad, my illnesses, losing my job, losing what felt like everything.

I feel there are still tears left inside.

     No doubt there are, child.  Come here. Come to me.

You mean here? now?  While I’m typing?

     Yes.

     In your mind come sit with me.  What are you thinking?

Those words, Lord.  Those words you sent to me through my friend, Lynn.

All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.

The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” (I Kings 19:5b-7)

You understand, don’t you?  This journey has been too much for me.  And now, you touch me softly and tell me to take care of myself.  You tell me it is ok to simply rest.  Everyone has been telling me this.  Why did I need to hear it from You?

     Because you are mine.  

     You listen for my voice.  

     You know that I, and I alone, am Your shepherd. 

     There is still a long road ahead of you, dear one.

      But for now child, as you have come to me,

                     weary and heavy burdened.

                                      I will give you rest.

For all the promises of God in him are yea, and in him Amen, unto the glory of God by us.  2 Corinthians 1:20

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