When the Unexpected Happens

I wasn’t really expecting this.

dancingjoy.jpg

No - not the news that the lump in my breast is cancerous and I probably have a mastectomy in my future  …

I wasn’t expecting the joy I’m feeling.

Yes, I’m taken aback - and still in disbelief.

But I awakened this morning, before the doctor’s appointment, with a children’s song playing in my head.  Actually - in my heart.

I started to quietly sing out loud even before I got out of bed.

"I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart.

(Where?)

Down in my heart.

(Where?)

Down in my heart.”

I continued through the verses.

And now, after the appointment with the doctor and the knowledge that cancer does reside inside of me, I’m still singing that song.

It’s kind of surreal, actually.

To feel, this way, after hearing news that, in the past, would have terrified me.

I think that the past year has prepared me for today.

Dying.  Being “brought back.”  Knowing it was God who accomplished that.  My closer walk with him.  My learning to abide.  My memorizing Romans 8 almost fully now.  Reading Scripture.  Waiting on Him.  Leaning on Him.  Learning to love Him - and learning how He loves me.

My walk in Him.

Not with Him any more.

In Him.

I’ve no idea where all of this will lead.  I don’t know if I will need chemo.  I don’t know if it has spread.  That is yet to be determined.  There are many unknowns.

What I do know is that I’ve got the love of Jesus down in my heart.

And for today, that is all I need.


 © deni weber 2010-2015