When You Don’t Feel Safe (If You Ever Did)

jamies rainbos.jpg

I have come to realize some of the how's and why's that are at the root of my many fears. 

I don't feel safe. 

It goes so far back into my childhood. 

On an intellectual level I know my mom and dad loved me beyond words. But theirs was a generation not prone to showing it. 

Being with my mom and being at home were my "safe places."

Home meant my childhood home. 

Even now, half jokingly, the words "I want to go home" escape my lips. And no, I'm not referring to heaven, but - as I realized - that home where I lived for 23 years. 

Home and safe were equals.

Upon reflection, I realized that I felt "safe" with my husband's arms around me.

As fears have escalated with my declining health and I face decisions about medical procedures that unnerve me, I became aware of part of the reason I've become so much more anxious these past few years. 

I'm faced with leaving the home my parents bought 42 years ago. My mom and my husband, my perceived safety, are gone.

Head knowledge tells me that my true safety comes from God. I'm working on dropping that knowledge about a foot -- into my heart.

I've been searching out God's promises of safety: The only true safety being with Him. 

I thought this Psalm a fitting one to share today.

My prayer? That you and I daily find our needs for safety met in Him, with heartfelt assurances from His word. 

“Keep me safe, O God, for I have come to you for refuge.

 I said to the LORD, “You are my Master! Every good thing I have comes from you.” 

The godly people in the land are my true heroes! I take pleasure in them! 

Troubles multiply for those who chase after other gods. I will not take part in their sacrifices of blood or even speak the names of their gods. 

LORD, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing. 

You guard all that is mine. 

The land you have given me is a pleasant land. What a wonderful inheritance! 

I will bless the LORD who guides me; even at night my heart instructs me. 

I know the LORD is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. 

No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice. 

My body rests in safety. 

For you will not leave my soul among the dead or allow your holy one to rot in the grave. 

You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.”

Psalms 16:1-11 NLT

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