Where It All Begins

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A long time ago, a time during which I believed there was “a” God and not “the” God, I stood at a kitchen window washing dishes and talking to my mom.  

I was about four months pregnant.  The baby’s father had left as soon as he knew I wouldn’t get an abortion.  

Life didn’t make sense to me.

I wasn’t a spiritual person.  I had gone to church because it was what you did on Sundays.  I knew little of the Bible.  I only knew that there was a set of rules you were supposed to follow - and when you died, if you had followed the rules, and this God (whoever he was), was in a good mood - you might get to heaven.

My mom had bought me a small Amplified New Testament.  They had it in our local grocery store book aisle.  Till this day she doesn’t know why she bought it.  And I’m not sure I knew why I started reading it.  Devouring it.  Underlining and writing in the paperback margins.  

The thing was - it didn’t make sense to me.  I didn’t understand what it all meant.

And as I stood wiping the dishes clean, I commented to my mom, “There must be someone who could explain this all to me.” <Insert very long story here.>

Suffice it to say that there was and in a rather miraculous way, I came to learn about my Lord and Savior.  It was the beginning of a relationship that has lasted almost 40 years, so far.

Why do I bring this up?  Because I need to remember my roots.  I need to remember that God hears and answers.  I need to remember that as I quest for more, God will honor this search as He did that one so many years ago.

It seems odd to say that I’ve been a follower of Christ for so long <insert prodigal daughter years here>,yet feel I know so little about Him.  

As I wrote yesterday’s post about love, I realized that the only way I can learn more about love is to learn more about Christ.  And not head knowledge.  Heart knowledge.

I want to know and understand how Christ was able to be compassionate amidst throngs of people who were coming to Him to have their physical challenges healed.

I relate to that now.  I used to hear folks comment on how good health was the most important thing in life.  That without it, you are pretty much useless.  

It’s been a fight to learn that my life can still have meaning and purpose.  That God can use me, not in spite of my circumstances, but because of them.

Lately, it is as if my heart is acutely aware of the passage of time.  That I need to “get on with it” and find the reason I am here and start fulfilling it.

I wish I knew what it was.  

I don’t yet.

But I do know, that whatever it is, it has to begin with love.

And if it begins with love, it begins with Christ.

Today, I must be content with the fact that I know where I am to begin.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men.”  John 1:1-4

So, were do I start as I begin a new chapter of my life?

In the beginning.

Are you looking at a new beginning?  Is it time to move forward?  Is it time to learn how God can use you - like me - not in spite of your challenges, but because of them?

 © deni weber 2010-2015