“Where Was I???”

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For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.  Colossians 3:3

I’ve promised to tell a bit more of my story from my episode of cardiac arrest.

There are still details that I don’t know - and don’t really care to at this point.

I know my heart felt funny and I knew I needed help.

I barely remember my sons and EMTs trying to keep me conscious.  I remember the first electroshock to my heart which caused me to scream and feel like I was flying out of my chair.

After that.

I remember little.

Little until another extremely painful electroshock “woke me up.”

I remember frantically asking where I had been.  

“Where was I?” I asked over and over. “Where have I been?”

I have a memory of a shadowy place.  As if I was tucked under something darker and more solid - and then suddenly being pulled quickly to the surface.

I didn’t know my heart had stopped.

I didn’t know they had done CPR on me.

I knew nothing except the certainty that I had been somewhere.

And, I couldn’t define that “somewhere.”

I knew it was real though.

I’ve had a lot of comments as to what that could have meant.  I have to admit I was worried when I realized there was no bright light beckoning to me: that I was in a shadowy darkness.

Several things came along though that helped me to try to understand the darkness.

A wonderful friend left a post on my Facebook wall (not knowing about my experience), that when we were in the darkness we were under the shadow of God’s wing.  That helped explain the sense that I was under something - tucked in somewhere.

Another read the 23rd Psalm to me - about walking through the valley of the shadow of death. That makes sense when I recall the emptiness of wherever I was.

I’m realizing that, in this lifetime,  I may never know exactly what the truth is.

What makes the most sense to me, however, is the above verse.  Though not officially dead in God’s eyes, I believe I was truly hidden away in Christ.  Hidden until the time was right for me to be resuscitated.

I only recently found out that most were amazed I was able to be revived.  In many ways, I am too.

My realization out of all of this?

That this life is a gift.  One that can be taken away at any time.  And, that God can do amazing things.

You see - I don’t really consider this a “near death” experience.  No bright lights - no tunnel - no friendly faces beckoning me onward or motioning me to “return.”  I’m not sure what to think when I do hear of those stories.

Yet, when I hear the words that my life is hidden with Christ in God, it makes sense, not only for those few hours; but  now, for my whole life as a follower of Christ.

In Christ is the only place for me to dwell.  When I decided to follow Christ, I gave up an old life.  It wasn’t a miraculous change.  It’s been slow changes over years and years.  Yet, the truth remains that as soon as I did receive Him into my life, things changed powerfully.

This event just made it real.

But it all began years and years ago when I felt a tug at my heart.

I’m also learning that this intimate life with Christ is one that takes time.  It doesn’t (at least it didn’t for me) happen overnight.

But, the first step was mine.

I know most of you already have Christ firmly in your life.  

Yet, I wonder if any of you were like me - following with less than your whole heart.  Letting this world distract you.  Letting your challenges distract you.  Letting your worries and cares distract you from the truth that you, my beloved readers are safely hidden with Christ.

And I wonder if there are some of you who need to take that step of coming to Him. I wonder if perhaps you still need to take that step - to confess Him as Lord and Savior - the only true way to God, so that you may have the assurance that you are indeed hidden with Him, in the Almighty God.

Because if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For with the heart on believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.  Romans 10:8-10


 © deni weber 2010-2015