Where We Turn Our Attention Matters

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Jehoshaphat was afraid and turned his attention to seek the Lord, and proclaimed a fast throughout all Judah. 2 Chronicles 20:3

Something I’ve not talked about a lot in this blog is my tendency to have panic attacks.  It has taken me a while to realize that is what is happening to me at times. Not just being afraid - a full-blown panic attack.

I’m learning - as God teaches - that getting through these attacks requires a real focus on God.

There is something in my makeup that makes me want to know … have things organized … and understand what is happening next.  I think that’s pretty common for most of us.

Right now - none of those are happening for me.

Since my cancer diagnosis - and the rush that has been put on getting staging done, etc - nothing seems to be working right.

I need to be off of blood thinner for the staging biopsy.  I can’t get the staging biopsy scheduled until they know I’m off the blood thinner.  I can’t go off the blood thinner until I have the biopsy date.

I make phone calls - and they are not returned.

I ask questions - and get no answers.

That is the perfect set up for a panic attack for me, as it feels so crazy-making. After all I was told this needed to be done as quickly as possible - and it’s not happening.

Enter God 

As I felt myself start to spiral out of control this morning with skipped heart beats, sweating, and jittery feelings - I realized my focus is on the wrong thing.

I’m focusing on how man is looking at this.

Not God.

I have to pull my focus off of the events swirling around me and look to Him.  As my son said, there must be a very good reason this is happening - one we can’t foresee, but God can.

So, I sing my little uplifting songs to myself. I listen to prayers on an iPhone app. (Abide - free and I really appreciate the small nuggets of truth.) I talk to God. I take deep breaths to slow things down.

And, I feel my mindset begin to change. The panic is gone.

Somehow, I thought that God would wave a magic want and I’d no longer have to deal with these things. Now, I realize how responsible I am for a lot of this.  

Maybe things aren’t happening the way I think they ought to be happening.  

That doesn’t excuse me from doing the things I know need to be done.

Pray.  Look to God.  Focus on other things.  Do the things I know I need to do and trust God that this will pass.

And, it does.

So yes, I still have no answers as to times and dates and all the information I want to have.

But I do have the answer to what I need to be doing right now.

Looking to God and trusting in His timing.

And that’s a hard one for me to learn.

But, learning I am - and no doubt, over the next months, learning I will be.

But isn’t that what life truly is?

The best learning experience we can ever have.

And one that teaches us all about our God - if we let it.

Father God, thank you for your love and compassion during the times we most need it.  Thank you that you do not condemn us, but rather meet us where we are with open arms and an abundance of love that will lead us to the place we need to go - that it is truly as simply as looking to you and seeking Your face. Amen and amen. 

My VeggieTales fix for the day … “Think of Me

 © deni weber 2010-2015